
Forming new relationships, learning concepts which challenge our public health practices and social conscience, struggling to stay awake after a late night on the town, commisserating about the limitations of our dorm, and balancing school with work, family and other commitments quickly forged strong bonds. Almost to a number, we expressed surprise at our farewell luncheon that the 3 weeks we had patiently waited for had come and gone so quickly. Many expressed the hope and desire to stay connected, but Jesus the realist from Mexico reminds us that what we hope for and what we do in practice are often very different, and would likely be so this time too.
I raced from the farewell luncheon (at Otto's, a Mario Butali restaurant on 5th Avenue which I highly recommend) for the Newark airport. My plan was to overnight in Toronto, before hopping a train to Chatham where a family reunion was in progress. However, a brief, but severe, weather system moved in, all flights out of Newark were grounded, and like dominoes falling, my carefully choreographed plans for a weekend with the extended Rossini side of the family fell apart.
Hotel rooms in the area of the Newark airport were quickly snapped up; finding a place to stay was looking grim. At the kiosk which connects stranded travellers with local hotels, I encountered a couple on their cell arranging hotel accommodations; I put up two fingers, hoping they would understand my primitive sign language and ask the hotel staff about the availability of a second room. A third traveller held up 3 fingers. Long story short, soon the four of us were sharing a cab to a Ramada Inn located in the outskirts of East Orange, New Jersey. We understood when we arrived why this was one of the few hotels that had rooms available.
From the outset, the conversation between the four of us was lively and engaging. Far from complaining about the weather, missed flights, fatigue and disappointments, Chris encourages us to look at it as an unexpected opportunity. As often happens when strangers find themselves in a situation not of their choosing, the conversation took off in many directions as we searched to find shared points of reference and commonalities. Chris and Daniele from Toronto are in the music industry and had just mixed Jim Cuddy's new CD, scheduled for release in the fall. I relate the story of Bob Hamilton's epic journey to bring a console from Louisiana to Yukon. Renee is from Michigan where I attended middle school, her family having emigrated from Quebec a few generations ago - a point of connection. She is a neuropsychologist interested in developmental disorders, including autism. Another connection. The conversation jumps to the challenges of bridging science of remediation with practice within health and education, and Chris tells us that his sister, a lung researcher at Harvard, voices the same concern. And so the conversation goes...strangers enjoying each others' company, locating ourselves in a geo-psycho-social space, discovering and creating opportunities for connection - the desire to connect feels so strong that it could be a biological imperative.
Chris and Daniele go off to dinner, Renee and I head out in the prestorm heat and humidity in search of a cold beer. This is not a neighbourhood we are comfortable in, but we are thrilled to find a liquour store which sells individual cans and bottles. We make our way back to the hotel, where we sprawl on the beds in my room talking, swilling beer and sharing a bag of salted, slightly stale peanuts. It's as if we are long lost friends, meeting up at a reunion. Our conversation is wide-ranging, personal and professional, philosophical and intimate ... we exchange email addresses because that is what this short-lived intimacy demands though the chances of following up with each other are slim.
The following day I talk with the cab driver from Eritrea who gets me from the ferry to the hotel. It is difficult and expensive to be a cabbie in Toronto and maintain his connections with his young family who remain in Eritrea. He complains about cell phone plans and the hidden extra charges. He tells me he is deeply committed to making life better for all children, not only his young child. I'm surprised when he starts talking about men who beat and rape women and children. He tells me that in Eritrea the neighbours intervene and try to make peace. But in Canada, he complains, only lawyers offer to help and all they want is money. He says, "neighbours know you, they stay in your life. It is better." I know enough about how abused and asssaulted women and children are treated around the world to doubt whether the neighbours' interventions, even if well-intentioned, meet the needs of the abused for safety, support and respect. But I have no doubts about his observation that neighbours, friends, and family are the ones that stay in your life, not the paid professionals, whether they be lawyers, doctors, nurses, psychologists....
Outside my hotel on Front Street is a billboard: "Let's make man kind." I visit the website, http://www.peopleforgood.ca/, which challenges Canadians to do something nice for someone else every day for 5 days, and post a webcam on their experience. This approach to connection seems to be gaining traction around the world. On October 31, the world's populatin will reach 7 billion people. The United Nations Population Fund Agency would like to use this event as a call to action rather than a moment of despair. Their website, http://www.7billionactions.org/, proclaims "In a world of 7 Billion people every organization and individual has a unique role and special responsibility. Working together, incremental actions will create exponential results. Take action today, you can make a difference in others’ lives." But cumulative individual good deeds will not cure the political, social, and economic structural problems of the world that maintain inequities, discrimination and poverty. Good deeds do, however, keep us grounded, connected us with one another, burst the bubble that keeps us isolated, safe, self-absorbed. Maybe the take away is do good today, everyday but also continue to support the people and the organizations that are working to effect change on the broader, structural level.
This is my last posting - it's been a great journey - I hope you have enjoyed the ride.